Jokes and Limericks........Keep It Clean :!:

Jools · Post by **Jools** » 23 Nov 2007, 23:43

Please feel free to post a Joke or Limerick that will help brighten up our day.

All that we require is that you keep it clean :!:

Jools · Post by **Jools** » 23 Nov 2007, 23:43

What do you get if you cross a sheepdog with a rose?

A collie-flower!

You get the idea

Jools · Post by **Jools** » 23 Nov 2007, 23:57

There once was a gray schnauzer named Spark
Quite talkative, he so liked to bark.
Sometimes running he found
His feet all off the ground
Especially on larks in the park.

Grovelea · Post by **Grovelea** » 24 Nov 2007, 10:15

Not a doggy joke, but, it made me laugh even tho I'm blonde!
A girl phones her boyfriend and asks him to come over to help with the new jigsaw she was trying to do, he asks what will it be when we've finished it, 'theres a tiger on the box' she said. So, he comes over and goes to the table and looks at all the pieces spread out and stares for a bit and then says, 'firstly no mater how long we take we won't get anything like a tiger out of this jigsaw' ......... 'And secondly I want you to relax, make a cup of coffee and then, he sighed........ we'll put the Frosties back in the box. :lol: :roll:

Jools · Post by **Jools** » 24 Nov 2007, 10:37

Thats very good :lol:

ziggy · Post by **ziggy** » 24 Nov 2007, 15:05

A man is driving down a country road when he spots a
farmer standing in the middle of a huge field of grass. He
pulls the car over to the side of the road and notices that
the farmer is just standing there, doing nothing, looking
at nothing.

The man gets out of the car, walks all the way out to the
farmer and asks him, "Ah excuse me mister, but what
are you doing?"

The farmer replies, "I'm trying to win a Nobel Prize."

"How?" asks the man, puzzled.

"Well I heard they give the Nobel Prize to people who are
out standing in their field."

miniforme · Post by **miniforme** » 24 Nov 2007, 16:55

thats a good one :o

Lexsus · Post by **Lexsus** » 24 Nov 2007, 20:27

Another blonde joke
A blonde was driving along the M25 and receives a call on her mobile from her boyfriend who says be careful there has just been an item on the news about someone driving the wrong way on the M25 she answers ..."Thers not one there's hundreds of them"
PS I am blondish....
Sue

lola · Post by **lola** » 24 Nov 2007, 20:41

That was funny forum

susie · Post by **susie** » 26 Nov 2007, 11:08

For the lady Schnauzer owners only:

Five tips for a woman....

1. It is important that a man helps you around the house and has a job.

2. It is important that a man makes you laugh.

3. It is important to find a man you can count on and doesn't lie to you.

4. It is important that a man loves you and spoils you.

5. It is important that these four men don't know each other.

Jools · Post by **Jools** » 26 Nov 2007, 11:16

susie wrote:For the lady Schnauzer owners only:

Five tips for a woman....

1. It is important that a man helps you around the house and has a job.

2. It is important that a man makes you laugh.

3. It is important to find a man you can count on and doesn't lie to you.

4. It is important that a man loves you and spoils you.

5. It is important that these four men don't know each other.

Oh no Jim, here it comes buddy :roll:

Terrywoof · Post by **Terrywoof** » 26 Nov 2007, 12:30

Not really a joke but made me smile..... make sure you click on the link at the end and it will all make sense!

They were together in the House.

Just the two of them.

It was a cold, dark, stormy night. The storm had come quickly

each time the thunder boomed he watched her jump.

She looked across the room and admired his strong appearance... and

wished that he would take her in his arms, comfort her and protect her

from the storm.

She wanted that... more than anything.

Suddenly, with a pop, the power went out... She screamed...

He raced to the sofa where she was cowering.

He didn't hesitate to pull her into his arms.

He knew this was a forbidden union and

expected her to pull back.

He was surprised when she didn't resist but instead clung to him.

The storm raged on...

there came a moment when each knew that they had to be together.

They knew it was wrong...

Their families would never understand... So consumed were

they in their passion that they heard no opening

of doors... just the faint click of a camera...

http://i206.photobucket.com/albums/bb29 ... direct.jpg

Pottydottie · Post by **Pottydottie** » 26 Nov 2007, 12:58

Click on the link for the free compture screen cleaner

http://home.versateladsl.be/bavertel/fu ... leaner.swf

lizweb20 · Post by **lizweb20** » 28 Nov 2007, 20:46

Probably been posted before but it's still a bit of fun.

1. While sitting at your desk, lift your right foot off the floor and make clockwise circles.

2. Now, while doing this, draw the number "6" in the air with your right hand.

Your foot will change direction.??????

Pottydottie · Post by **Pottydottie** » 30 Nov 2007, 14:04

if only football was like this it would make me it's number one fan

http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=KXaW8ikmNzw