The pain of letting my boy go

Saying goodbye to our Schnauzers is the hardest part. Share your memories here as we bid farewell to our beloved friends. They've crossed the bridge and returned to the meadow in full health and free of injuries. Running free. We won't forget.
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terri
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The pain of letting my boy go

Post by terri » 12 Jun 2017, 12:34

Hi all.

I let my Alfie go last week and the pain is overwhelming. Ive phoned pet bereavement line etc so sharing my grief to process it all.

He was a very poorly boy at the end but a miracle aswell. He was given weeks to live by the specialist in Sept 2017 and I cried all the way home, unable to breath and talk when I was given the news that day, little did I know he would still be here in 2017, shared a lovely holiday with me last year and had many special days. He was special boy, my first Schnauzer, my agility champ, I just adored him. I do have 2 other schnauzers whom I also love to bits but something was just different above Alfie, he wasn't the most affectionate of my dogs, but his personality was amazing, and we shared what I can only describe as an emotional connection. He was very sensitive and very in tune to my feelings. He helped my through many hard time in the last few years, as they all have.

In 2014 aged 11 he spent a week at the vets after becoming really ill, and was diagnosed with a liver mass which my vet could not remove as it was beyond the lobe so off to the specialist we went. After an MRI they confirmed he had a tumour on his adrenal gland aswell which is probably why he was poorly, they think he had a bleed on it. They said removing it would have a high chance of losing him on the operation table and my best option was to enjoy the rest of his days. They said he would have these bad times until one day he will have his final one.

During the next couple of years we had the odd off day and then again he went into the vets after being poorly but not such a bad bout. He then had two cases of hemorrhagic gastritis when I thought Id lose him but once again he came home after a day or two in the vets. He'd been doing really well. Then in March this year on his walk he collapsed and I carried him home, he was losing and then regaining consciousness in my arms. When I got home and sat him on the sofa he sat up and had another fit, gong rigid this time instead of floppy and vomited and pooed himself, I help him up and sat up and I rushed him to the vets. She said with his medical background there was nothing more we could do. She gave me a sedative to put his bottom if he had another which lasted more than a minute. He was so wobbly in the vets I though he was going to go again, but he waited till I got home and had another followed by a longer one so I used the drug. He regained himself once more and I slept with him all night to keep watch. Thank fully he didn't have another but I knew I was a matter of time as this happened with my old dog, until he had a massive one from which he could not recover.

So then this year he had sore paw, but anitibiotics seemed to help him until it began to break out of the skin, a nodule which then begain to grow and a limp went from a three legged walk about a month ago. He had anitbiotics, Id bathe it but we knew it was probably more sinister. When it first started to grow we managed it, the vets did not want to remove it due to his medical history and now even more so which the seizures. So we carried on and he still run along on his three legs and seemed happy when he was out but when he had done enough we put him in a buggy which he loved.

Sadly a few weeks ago while we were deciding what to about removing the foot growth due to the risk the vets warned us about, he stopped wanting to eat. Somedays he ate abit but not enough for a meal. We tried all the foods under the sun and some days I was hopeful other days not so. Then a couple of weeks ago his gum poured with blood and he had clots stuck to his beard and legs. The vets said they thought he had a small hole in his gum and maybe a decayed tooth at the root but removing it could break his jaw. This was just unbearable, what else could go wrong. The vet no longer even wanted to concider removing his foot tumour by now as he was growing weak due to his eating habits. He never had any sickness or diarreah, he never seemed in pain, he just slept and I mean slept so heavy and snored. These last weeks weeks were awful, not knowing what to do, then over the final weekend he started to show pain as he went to nip me and yelped. It was not his foot causing the pain as he didn't fuss overly about it other than try and lick at it, but something else was going on. His foot bled badly that same weekend and once again his face was covered in clotted blood, didn't seem to be his mouth this time but it could of been.

I had to make the most difficult decision on Monday night and knew I had to brave, he was so peaceful and the vet said she thought it was the best thing we could do for him. They had never wanted to treat him for any of his ailments and she said his body was tight with pain.

I have never known an pain so bad , the guilt, the anguish, the loss, the tears, cant eat or sleep either. Yesterday was the first day I started to feel a little easier with my decision but you always question whether you could of done more... but he was a month away from his 14 birthday. My heart is broken, the waves of emotion consume me at the minute and I have struggled to function. I'm devoting my love to my other boys now and realise at there age all our time is so precious.

I go on holiday this weekend and I know it will kill me to not have my boy with me but I so hope he is looking down and loving me like I love him, I can still smell him and picture his little face everytime I shut my eyes. I love you my little boy and I will never ever forget you for as long as I live.

Sorry for the long message ...

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CarolinaCooks
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Re: The pain of letting my boy go

Post by CarolinaCooks » 12 Jun 2017, 14:09

Terri, I just wanted to squeeze your hand, so to speak. Please don't apologise for a long post... it is testament, love and gratitude for Alfie's life... there's nothing as humbling and precious as sharing the life of a dog... love to your broken heart, from me and Leonard The Dog xx

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Riesen16
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Re: The pain of letting my boy go

Post by Riesen16 » 13 Jun 2017, 07:26

Terri

Don't apologise. Sad as your post is, it was, as Caroline said, a testament of love and gratitude and wonderful to read.

Take care

Gill

redalert
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Re: The pain of letting my boy go

Post by redalert » 13 Jun 2017, 08:26

Very very sad to read your post and so sorry your boy has left you but he is now in a good place, no pain, no suffering, at peace. My heart goes out to you.

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Champ629
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Re: The pain of letting my boy go

Post by Champ629 » 13 Jun 2017, 16:01

Terri, I am so sorry for your loss... your post had me in tears, what a very special and brave boy you had and he will stay in your heart forever.

Thinking of you xxx
Miniature Schnauzers: Jake, Cody, Jenny, Sophie

RIP Dee Dee 12/02/13 - now running free in the sunshine

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schnauzer
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Re: The pain of letting my boy go

Post by schnauzer » 13 Jun 2017, 20:19

Terri so sorry to read about your special boy my heart goes out to you as it is so heartbreaking to lose our Schnauzers it is so sad when they leave us. Can I say I know exactly how you are feeling having just lost my precious girl Suzi on the 13th April, she had a mass in her lung and the vet hospital were confident they could remove it sadly she didn't make it and we are absolutely gutted as we expected her home its only 9 weeks and I cry every day for her. I miss her so much especially when my husband goes off to golf as that was one of the reasons I had her, miss her so much as she made us laugh 24/7.

Reading your post just brought it all back to me thinking of you xx :ymhug: :ymhug:
Christine & Gino (Siglette Shadow (born 9/5/17

Suzi (15/5/04---13/4/17) (Sugarbabe) RIP loved you to the moon & back, miss you so so much precious girl

https://www.dogfriendlybritain.co.uk/wetnosesociety/170717UIcTK

TreeScar
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Re: The pain of letting my boy go

Post by TreeScar » 14 Jun 2017, 17:34

I feel your pain. A week ago today we put down my Boo. We had a bucket list week before the vet came to the house. I have cried every day like a baby. My heart has been torn to pieces. I'm hoping when I get his ashes on Friday I will feel a little bit of comfort knowing he's here. At first I thought looking at pictures and videos would hurt too much but they have really helped.


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klwurth
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Re: The pain of letting my boy go

Post by klwurth » 19 Jun 2017, 15:43

Terri,
Sharing here was a good idea...those of us who have lost our Schnauzers know how sad you feel. We try so hard to keep them well and free from pain, that final decision is the worst and hardest we must make.

As we had to let our Gilda go in May, I feel your pain. Some nights I go out and sit by her grave to cry, but it helps to let it out. And to know that I did what she needed, in the end, to set her free, is what endures. You did the same, and I commend you for your selflessness.

Hugs.

Kelly

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