Clingy and anxious since move

[Molly44]

My 4 year old girl has always been a bit anxious, independent and difficult to connect with.
I’ve recently broken up with my partner and 2 months ago I moved into a 3 bedroom house by myself.
Since the move, she’s been getting increasingly bored and anxious. She’s never been interested in chewing toys or been able to keep herself amused. I’ve tried kongs- they get thrown out because they never get used. Her toys sit in the toy basket.
I give her pork bones daily, take her for an hour walk every afternoon. Play with her when I can, but I’ve developed depression so can’t be the lively playful person I’m sure she wishes I could be.
All her training is also going out the window. She’s growling and barking like mad when she never used to, she always listened to my commands on walks but now ignores me.
She’s gnawing on her legs like mad. She sits and stares and whines at me all day. She’s unable to occupy herself.
She doesn’t like being patted much or having cuddles (a he’s been like this since I got her- also a loud noise and she’d shake like mad then go to sleep).
I trained her so hard and put in so much effort with her, but it’s all unraveling. I’m putting her on milk thistle to try calm her, but she’s just not ok.

In addition- an opportunity to move into a one bedroom apartment closer to my friends and family has come up. It’ll be cheaper and less to maintain. It has a small courtyard with grass. I don’t know whether this move would make things worse or better for her though.

If anyone has any advice I’d really appreciate it. I’m finding I’m putting all my energy into making sure she’s ok rather than working on myself to get better. I love her but don’t know if I should re-home her so she could have a better life? I don’t want to give up on her.
Would the move be ok? Maybe the house is too big? Maybe the apartment will be too small? She has a lot of energy but she gets lots of exercise.
Is there anything I can do for her anxiety? To help occupy the seemingly un-occupyable?
As you can see I’m at a loss and I don’t have anyone who knows what it’s like to have an anxious and non-cuddley schnauzer and depression.
Unfortunately I’m living in Australia where covid is just exploding (1 in 30 people have it now), and I don’t feel comfortable getting a housemate in.

[zeta1454]

Hello Debbie and welcome to the Forum

I am sorry to read about the stressful time you and your schnauzer have been going through. The restrictions and other changes due to COVID have been affecting dogs of all ages in the U.K. too so it is not surprising that you and your girl are aIso suffering in addition to the relationship break-up and the move to a different property. Just in relation to your schnauzer, dogs generally feel most relaxed and happy when they have a set routine, know what is happening when, where they go for walks, when they eat, the people they like to interact with etc. So, when all this is disrupted it can be very stressful for them, particularly if they are of a sensitive nature and to add to this their awareness of grief, depression or other illness in their human family can make it especially hard to cope with. However, it may be that if you can find a means of reducing the stress, and finding comfort in companionship and shared activities, both you and your schnauzer girl may benefit.

I can understand you wondering if your girl might be better in a different home but, if she is already suffering stress at the recent changes in her life, to move her to yet another different environment with people she doesn’t know and who don’t know her as well as you do, may make things worse. Of course, you must take care of your own wellbeing too and, if it came to the point that you were really unable to cope with caring for her then it would be time to think of that.

If you have the opportunity of a more suitable apartment near to your family and friends, it sounds the ideal chance for you to have some much needed emotional support as well as people you trust to support you in other ways too. Although this will be another change of home for your schnauzer, she will be with you and, if you are feeling more supported and safe, this is sure to have a beneficial effect on her too. The size of the apartment compared to the house really should not be a worry to my mind as regards your schnauzer. Do any of your family and friends have a dog she could spend some time playing with? If not, are there any of your family or friends who would be happy to play / train her when you are not feeling up to this? Our schnauzers are very food oriented so they love playing at ‘treasure hunt’ games which I set up using tiny food treats hidden in empty yogurt cartons, egg boxes, or in the specially designed puzzle challenge games for dogs (Nina Ottosson type puzzles). Mental challenges of any kind tend to tire dogs more than physical exercise so, if your girl enjoys food, this might be something you could try to add more interest than just the Kong.

https://www.nina-ottosson.com/

I am not sure regarding the Milk Thistle if this is the ideal supplement for calming an anxious dog. Was it recommended to you? Milk Thistle is a remedy usually given to support the liver in dogs who have liver problems or for times such as after surgery or a course of strong pharmaceutical products where it will help clear the liver of toxins. Herbs most usually used for relaxation and calming are Valerian, Passion flower, Lemon balm, Lavender but it might be an idea to research or find a reputable herbal practitioner for dogs who could give you more advice on this. There is a link here to a U.K. herbal veterinary supplier:

https://www.dorwest.com/wp-content/uplo ... ty-sml.pdf

If you can create a calm, comforting space in your home where you can feel relaxed, you may find that your schnauzer will begin to relax too. It is easy to get stressed at the best of times, when things are not good and dogs do react to our emotions and actions even when we don’t realise it. You don’t need to be cuddling or even close to your schnauzer if she doesn’t feel comfortable with this but just being there in the room with her, listening to music, watching TV, reading a book - whatever may help you relax and divert your mind for a while from the stress of the present situation - may begin to calm her too.

I do hope that you can find a resolution to your situation which is good for you and your schnauzer girl where you are both in a safe and happy environment with people who can support and encourage you. Take care